Not So Merry

I know this is supposed to be a "Merry" week due to the season and time of the year we are in with Christmas and all here, but how can we be in that state of mood if we don't have what we want and if we didn't get what we have been waiting for. I am not referring to presents and such, they were all great and just what I needed, I am talking about a particular person. I know I have told numerous friends, that I talk to a lot and give advice to, "Keep looking on the positive and be patient, it will all work out in the long run for you." I wish that this would actually happen for me now. I rarely talk to this person anymore and can try talking to them but they are real short to get out of the conversation with me and get off the phone like they are to busy to talk to me anymore. I gave everything I had into this at the beginning as well as my whole heart and I fell for this person, I reckon I was being an idiot about it all, but there is nothing I can do now.

I have had numerous friends over the past week since I haven't been talking to the person I care so dearly for come to me and ask in some way what is wrong with me, why am I acting sad and/or depressed, that I am not acting like more normal bubbly self. How can I act like my normal bubbly self though if the fact at the point is that I am heart broken. Perhaps I feel to quickly for this person and got myself to attached to them, that was a shame on me I reckon. I just need to get out of this place and maybe everything would get better somehow, but I don't even want to move on with my life at the moment, I would like to just crawl in a whole and die is the truth right now, I feel like I am missing a part of my life, which is crazy to say but that's the way I feel right now. If I had done something to this person perhaps I would be able to actually grasp it and understand the concept of what all is actually going on and for what reason it is all happening, but I do not know of anything that I have done so I am just clueless to the fact of the nature of the problem. During this whole situation I have a couple of friends that have stood by me and talked to me numerous times and told me everything would be alright, just be patient, and thank you so much for those words of encouragement Antonio and Ashton.

Another thought that I have found myself in toying with lately is trying to mend a friendship that has been non-existent pretty much for nearly a year and a half now, I have began to realize that I do not need to hold a grudge against people that hasn't done to much to me at all really, yeah they could have pissed me off and such, but why hold it against them for the rest of your life and never talk to them again, so I may regret it but I believe that I am going to try to talk to them if not tonight sometime this week. Well I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and hope that you will all have a great New Year's.