I Didn't Know I Could Be This Happy

I don't know where to even hardly start with the last week, words are not going to come close to describing but I am going to give it a shot. Last Monday I became single once again, everyone was like "Aww I am sorry Brent, are you ok?" At the moment I was not all that great and then Tuesday it got a little worse when I found out some other stuff that had been going on that I wasn't aware of, Thursday my life turned around though. :)

I came in from pageant practice Thursday and had a request on myspace from a new friend, I have nothing against having another friend as most people doesn't, they shouldn't at least, so I added them. We started messaging back and forth a little bit and then exchanged numbers, it has took off from there like a rocket though. The only down fall is they live in West Virginia, but we have both talked it over and said that we can make it work with the non-stop texting and long phone calls :) They are so amazing inside and out which is a hard combination to find these days but I found one and I am keeping them for the rest of my life, that is if they will do the same of course ;) We neither one was expecting this to come at all, especially how they found out about me, but I am so glad that they did.

They're absolutely gorgeous though, that is just the bonus part to me though, the inside is what matters the most and it is great as well :) They're so kind, sweet, caring, considerate and loving, and the biggest two things I like, they're so honest about everything and do not think that they're better than everyone although they could with the way they look :) Last night I went bowling with coworkers and one of my girlfriends was like what has gotten into you, I haven't ever seen you this happy before, I have been so happy and in such an amazing mood since Thursday though it is undescribable, I have began to fall for them, if I haven't fallen already which I think might have happend already LOL.

Some people say that long distance relationships and such never work, well you know what when that day comes for me to no longer be single, cause I have done told them I will wait however long for them, we will be the couple to prove everyone wrong, I am pretty sure in saying that. Life is confusing sometimes and sends us down curvy roads sometimes, but then it will put something right in our path when we least expect it to catch us and get us back up going straight, which has just happend to me thank goodness. I am now happier than ever and intend to stay this why for a mighty long time, I just have to count down to April now, here I come Myrtle Beach, SC. :)

To A New Year

Wow, that is about all I can say so far about my New Year. The New Year started off with great, spending time with friends I haven't hung out with in a while and I met someone too then. Now two weeks later, I am still hanging out with my child hood friends, moved back to Skipperville and now dating the special someone that I met two weeks ago. It truly is a small world, we just have no idea how small it is. We have spent a few nights together so far of course and went out several times, everything is just going great and falling in place finally, just when I thought there was no hope they came and found me.

Luckily now I have no heart ache in my life now, I am happy so now its just time to concentrate on what I have going and help my friends out of course and make sure that they have their happiness. One of my best guy friends is dealing with a lot of crap though and I am about to jump right into the damn middle of it. Jake is happier than ever dating Kevin now, they are great for one another and seem so happy with one another, but there is always someone that wants to sabotage great things that you have going in life. Megan wants to break them up just to where she can have her "friend" back. Ok bitch, first off if you didn't act like this you would perhaps have more friends than you do, am I not correct? It is just really stupid and immature that someone wants to do something like this just because they're not happy with their life, in my opinion at least, so they're going to ruin their friend's happiness. But oh well, when all is settled and done perhaps she will realize where the problem is, it is HERSELF. Well I have got to run, but I will be back on more regularly now that I have slowed down a little bit.

Is It Worth Living

Yesterday and today as well have been two of the most difficult days in my life up to this point I believe. Yesterday started off like any other day, but little did I know that by the time I laid my head down finally late that night that my life would feel as it was pulled out of me and the floor pulled out from under me. I had not talked to who I cared for in nearly a week yesterday other than for one or two text messages and then they would be quick to get off of the discussion and not text back anymore, since they wouldn't really talk I sent them a message, and the reply I got was not what I was hoping for at all, my worst dreams had come true, they didn't want to really talk anymore, said that friendship would be fine, but nothing ever would arise out of us other than that, I felt like I had just been stabbed in the heart when I read the text. I literally started crying my eyes out, wondering what did I do, was there something I could have perhaps done to make the situation that is now at hand never come to the point of being existent.

I practically cried myself to sleep last night along with some drinks to go with the tears ad hopefully forget what had happened, but then when I woke up this morning the hurt is still there, everyone is telling me that it will be fine, that's not what I want to hear though myself, I don't see the point in even living anymore hardly at all, I mean what do I have to live for, I have no loved one in my life, I have friends who are great but what about that special someone that you can just sit around with and be happy doing nothing at all other than holding them or spending time with them. That is what I am longing for and so dearly miss, I swear I have went into a state of depression recently, I rarely eat, hell I have had four cookies all day today for that fact and I am not even hungry, I have lost nearly 20 pounds over the past month or so and dropped two inches in my waist and I am not near as out-going and bubbly as normal. I don't even have the drive to get out of bed in the morning to do anything at all, I don't want to do anything then just lie here in bed or on the couch. I don't know how many of you have ever felt like this in your life but I can be the one to tell you that you never want this to happen to yourself in your lifetime here.

After I finally got up off the the couch this morning and got a shower I then got called into work and nearly worked twelve hours and we were busy as hell, people can be so short an rude sometimes, and with the past day I have had that does not help. I tried to keep myself busy thinking about other things, but it seemed to never work. I could try and be all bubbly and nice to everyone that come in through the doors but it never seem to work and come out right. A few of my co-workers who know what all is going on came to me numerous times today asking if I wanted to talk or did I need a break or want to go home, when people notice something is wrong with me it makes it even worse, they ask whats wrong with me and I can not help but think about everything then, but I just reply nothing, its ok, I will be fine until I get off, when the fact is that I am suffocating on the inside, I feel like I am dieing and there is nothing I can do to stop it at all. Perhaps of I had a break and got out of here for a while and took a nice vacation it would help, but that will come soon enough hopefully or something will change one, I will just have to see. Well I am going to close this on a positive note, or at least try to, I hope you all have a Happy New Year's and be careful, remember the ones that you care for and be sure they know the way you feel, you never know what tomorrow will hold so don't take them for granted.

Not So Merry

I know this is supposed to be a "Merry" week due to the season and time of the year we are in with Christmas and all here, but how can we be in that state of mood if we don't have what we want and if we didn't get what we have been waiting for. I am not referring to presents and such, they were all great and just what I needed, I am talking about a particular person. I know I have told numerous friends, that I talk to a lot and give advice to, "Keep looking on the positive and be patient, it will all work out in the long run for you." I wish that this would actually happen for me now. I rarely talk to this person anymore and can try talking to them but they are real short to get out of the conversation with me and get off the phone like they are to busy to talk to me anymore. I gave everything I had into this at the beginning as well as my whole heart and I fell for this person, I reckon I was being an idiot about it all, but there is nothing I can do now.

I have had numerous friends over the past week since I haven't been talking to the person I care so dearly for come to me and ask in some way what is wrong with me, why am I acting sad and/or depressed, that I am not acting like more normal bubbly self. How can I act like my normal bubbly self though if the fact at the point is that I am heart broken. Perhaps I feel to quickly for this person and got myself to attached to them, that was a shame on me I reckon. I just need to get out of this place and maybe everything would get better somehow, but I don't even want to move on with my life at the moment, I would like to just crawl in a whole and die is the truth right now, I feel like I am missing a part of my life, which is crazy to say but that's the way I feel right now. If I had done something to this person perhaps I would be able to actually grasp it and understand the concept of what all is actually going on and for what reason it is all happening, but I do not know of anything that I have done so I am just clueless to the fact of the nature of the problem. During this whole situation I have a couple of friends that have stood by me and talked to me numerous times and told me everything would be alright, just be patient, and thank you so much for those words of encouragement Antonio and Ashton.

Another thought that I have found myself in toying with lately is trying to mend a friendship that has been non-existent pretty much for nearly a year and a half now, I have began to realize that I do not need to hold a grudge against people that hasn't done to much to me at all really, yeah they could have pissed me off and such, but why hold it against them for the rest of your life and never talk to them again, so I may regret it but I believe that I am going to try to talk to them if not tonight sometime this week. Well I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and hope that you will all have a great New Year's.

Long Night and Day

Today was a fair day I reckon you could say. I haven't talked to a special someone in now two days though and it is killing me, but what can I do about it? I don't seem to know of anything at all I can do actually, I have tried anything and everything that is in my own will power to do so it is out of my hands now. Perhaps later today I will hear from them, that would truly make my day. This is one of the most vital parts of the year and you should be happy and such, but I can not be near that without this person I do not believe, so far that is the case as well, that would be the best Christmas present I could ever get in my own opinion as of right now but oh well.

To top my day off though I had to go into work at 10:00 last night and I got off at 5:30 this morning, but I have to be back at work at 7:00 a.m. So yeah you could say that I will probably sleep like all day until I have to go back into work at 10:00 again tonight and get off at 6:00 a.m. Thursday morning :(. As you can probably tell I am just enthused about it, LOL, lovely hours at American Eagle. Tonight though at work went alright, just slow; however, there was this one damn girl that worked with us for the first time ever on a floor set that just rubbed my ass wrong big time, to make it short, she was a complete straight up stuck up BITCH that thought she was better than everyone else, and what she done looked like shit, which is why I now have to be back at work in a damn hour. I could just scream and chew her ass out, but that wouldn't do me any good so I am going to just bight the nail and put up with her sorry ass for the little bit I have to work with her.

Christmas is now in two days, yay!!! I am happy in some ways but like I explained earlier kind of down and out at the same time, I am going to keep myself as busy as possible though so hopefully I won't think about it to much. It will hopefully be a good Christmas though, a lot of gifts perhaps ;), that will make it a little bit better LOL. Dad will not be home again this year, which doesn't bother me to much, I can be myself and we can have fun at the house. Christmas afternoon should be great though, I am having a few friends over to play games and maybe have a good drink or two before we go to the premiere of Sherlock Holmes that is released Christmas Day, it is going to be great, at least I hope and think so.

Well considering the fact that I have to be at work now in less than an I hour must begin to get ready for another long fun-filled day, LOL. But if anyone reads this please give me some advice to the situation that is at hand with my special someone that is in my life right now, I don't know how long to wait and be patient and since I haven't heard from them in now two days I am not to sure what to do, I mean I thought the feelings were mutual from what we had talked about, but then again actions speak a lot louder than words, and right now the two are not near matching I do not believe. I just do not know what to do, a week ago I thought I had it all figured out and that I had finally found someone that did truly care for me, but now I am not to sure about that anymore at all :(. It is depressing for me to think about but I need some advice/help in this situation, so please help out if you can. Well I hope you all have a wonderful day and a Merry Christmas.

Some Relaxation (Kind Of)

Tonight was great, I finally had the time I have been needing, which is a little bit of relaxation time, just sit back talk with friends and have a few drinks, well over due I will most definitely say, LOL. Work today was about the normal holiday bull shit though, this time of the year everyone should be in a good mood and such, but oh no that is so not the case. All these last minute damn shoppers are about to drive me in damn sane I swear. January and February can not come near soon or quick enough, but I will be relieved when it does get here finally. Tonight I had a few friends over at my house in Skipperville and this is where my "good" day began. I wish a couple of folks in particular would have came but the fact is there is nothing you can do to make someones mind up for them. Everyone makes their own decisions regardless of what they are and whether they are good or bad. And I do understand, don't think that I am complaining cause I did have a really good time tonight but I am just saying that it would have been a little bit better if another couple of people/friends was here. Anyways enough of that non-sense.

I am still dealing with my patience ordeal as well, I am still sitting on the side lines waiting patiently and anxiously, but I am not sure how much longer I can go on like this. I know for a fact that I have done let one thing pass me by but there is nothing I can do now to help this fact, this is one of those decisions that you look back on and wonder what would have happened perhaps if I had not of have been consumed with what I am tied up in at the present time? This week has just begun though and hopefully it will with-hold some good things for me, we just never know is the fact. Thursday I am having lunch with two friends at least but hopefully a third will be attending, then Friday will be great I know, not cause of it necessarily being Christmas Day and the presents, but because of what will be happening that afternoon. We are having a somewhat of a Christmas party for a few select friends and going out to the movies afterwards, hopefully this will be fun and perhaps something good could turn out of this.

But it is getting a little late now and I have to go back to my apartment in Dothan tomorrow so I have got to get some shut eye. If anyone reads this though I have a question for you all if you can please answer and give me some advice, how long should I be patient, how long should I wait by on the side lines watching everything and just hoping that I will become part in what I would love? Thank you all for who is reading these blogs that I have been posting the past couple of days and I will be sure to keep you posted on what all is happening and going on. Well good night to you all and I hope you all have a great week and a Merry Christmas, most of all don't forget your family's during this time of the year, that is one of the most important things of this time, your family and those who are close to us all, whether it be a friend or a loved one that we long for; whether we have them or not, we do not know if we will have a tomorrow like I previously said in a post, so be sure to let everyone know how you feel about them and let them know if you do care for them or love them.

Love you all,

Brent

What a Day!

Well today was pretty good I reckon with all that has happened. Nothing really bad by any means, just more stuff dealing along the lines of a special someone. I know like I have been told by numerous friends and like I know is what I should do is be patient and it will all work out some way, but then I find myself asking the questions, how long should I be patient for, how long should I wait? We all know that patience is a must have in life, especially today, but if you wait to long and have to much patience then you can miss numerous things that could perhaps be passing by right in front of you and you not even notice them cause you're so consumed in what you're waiting for.

I knew something had been on this person's mind for a couple of days or so but just didn't know exactly what it was; however, I found out today. I got a text saying that we needed to talk, please meet me after work, now I hate to be negative but when I am told something of this stature I can not help but think the worst case scenario. I sat at my place for an hour or more which seemed like an eternity just thinking and thinking, what is about to happen, is everything about to fall out from under me that I have right now and have to start back all over at square one where I was only about a month or two ago at the most. Luckily though the thoughts I had were not all true, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be when we finally talked which was a huge relief to me. They said "I am not looking for a relationship right now, nothing against you, you're a great guy but my last relationship just didn't go so well." So on and so forth, I respect that, and I am glad the I was told this, and I know that there is no reason to rush considering we are both 20 or younger, but at the same time I know what I want and would like to happen but I have to respect their wishes and stand by their side for as long as I can wait and support them in every way that I can. I have plenty of patience, but my question is, "How long do I sit here in life at this point and wait on this person that I do truly care about and that I am happy with being their friend but would be happier in dating this person?" I have thought about this question so much lately, you literally have no idea at all.

We all are confronted with decisions and different situations every day though, we must make the decisions sooner or later as well. If we fall, its not about our fall or how hard we fell or what made us fall, it's about how quickly we decide to get back up and push forward in life. We can not let things hold us back/down in life, if we do so we will all miss some great opportunities in life, that I can assure you all of. Tomorrow is another day though and a complete new day, we make it what it turns out to be by our decisions that we make each every day. Hopefully my day tomorrow will unfold to be a great day and perhaps some good news come my way, we just never know what the future holds for us all, just live your life day by day to your fullest and be happy with who you are as a person inside and out.